yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
