dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
