he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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