i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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