she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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