The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
