with your own penis?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
