Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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