I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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