what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
