ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
