he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
