Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
