things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I only lived at night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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