brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
