A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I cut my penus on the lid.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
did i just pee glitter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
