don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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