I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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