You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
