yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
