No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
