I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
