my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
