Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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