Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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