That's when you crack a 10am beer
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
