My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
