it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
