It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
