The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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