Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
