Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
