Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
