he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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