don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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