see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
