Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
