all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
