too bad you live with your parents still
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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