I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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