Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
