my sisters under your porch take her home
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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