he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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