I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
