i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
