Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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