chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
