Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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