I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
