I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
