I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
