They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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