she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
