I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
