you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
