Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am available for nakedness
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
