yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
