I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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