I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
