You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
