ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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