I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
