you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
