Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
