my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
