i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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