Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
