i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
