Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
